Dear Danglers,

Madame Witwer is currently unable to write a post, as I have suspended her temporarily because she thought she would wear her blue velour track suit to aerial class today. In her place, you are getting my thoughts instead. In light of Miss Witwer’s athleta-fashion stroke, I would like to discuss some thoughts on the garments we wear to train in.

T’s Guide to Dressing for Success in Your Aerial Class

RULE #1: Be happy with what you’re wearing!

Now, I am NOT one who thinks aerial class should be treated like ballet, with a bunch of clones flashing their perfect pink tights, black leo, and pristine buns. Bring yourself to the mix, and find ways to get yourself amped up for training! If you don’t like what you’re wearing to train in, you are probably not going to like the training you get done either. If you are someone who hates black, you definitely are not required to wear the classic Lululemon black groove pant (I have 2 longs, and 4 crops). I happen to love black, but I sometimes I get really excited when my training outfit has a theme or genre. You might see me (actually, you can’t miss me)  in neons – purple dropped-crotch sweats, neon green mini-cumberbund, hilariously loud top that pairs midnight blue with neon yellow. For me, it puts me in a good mood, and I know that i’m ready to conquer the world…(sorry Laura, you can have your world back, I just want to conquer this release move). Enter your training session in a good mood, and there’s a better chance you’ll leave in a good mood.

RULE #2: Check for shiny butt disease…it’s ok to buy the next size up. It’s spandex, not your wedding dress.

Here’s where my degree in costume design and fiber arts education gets a little in the way of me sounding normal. Let’s talk about spandex…We’ll get to the garments in a second, but I mean the fiber…the thing that all your training clothes contains.

Spandex (or elastane) is a synthetic polymer fiber which is found in most any clothing you wear to do physical activities in. It’s most popular characteristic is it’s elasticity, to enable wide ranges of movement from the athlete. It has two less awesome properties, it’s not the most comfortable fiber, and it is pretty hard to dye. That is why you will never see a fabric used in a garment that is 100% spandex – it would be like making a suit jacket out of saran wrap. So, it is often blended with nylon or cotton for activewear, the majority of the fabric being made out of the non-spandex fiber. This keeps the garment stretchy while still feeling comfortable to the wearer. However, when the fabric is dyed, only the main fiber gets the color, because spandex is so difficult to alter. So you are left with a fabric that still has a slightly shiny white-ish fiber running through it. It’s not that visible, until the fabric is stretched out very tightly. Now how does this apply to you? Well…

Let’s say you got yourself a pair of cotton/lycra leggings. They are a nice black or charcoal color, you’re thinking it’s dark, it will look slimming, right?…but then you happen to slip it on, and it’s not the right size, so it has to work overtime to stretch over your badonk…that makes all those spandex fibers show, and you end up having a pretty, shiny, reflective rear end…on a pair of matte, dark leggings.

 RULE #3: Check your transparency…and keep your sacred space private.

The last thing I need to mention, is about the Unmentionables… as a teacher of the aerial circus arts, I spend a lot of my time up close and personal with your sacred area. It just happens to be where a lot of the body mechanics of aerial circus is centered. To add to the situation, I also see a LOT of people come in with their black opaque tights on, that look totally opaque, until they’re in a straddle, and I can see…well, I can see your full back panties, your thong, your g-string, your…OH MY GOD! Why aren’t you wearing underwear!

Listen, even if I was into that sort of thing, it’s not the time or the place, If you’re wearing tights that can be sheer (do some squats, and check it out, is the color of the tights magically fading away in your thigh/crotch region?), maybe it’s time for a fun pair of booty shorts. I am still in shock from the amount of lady-bits I just saw, so I’m going to end this post posthaste.

That’s all from me for now…Laura just finished baking me cookies, so I think I’m gonna let her off the hook…just this once.

 

A note from Laura: Enjoy those cookies, T! I have one quick thing to add. I really love what T mentioned about flashing your lady bits – this happens way more than you think it does!!!! Seriously – I could have a minor in gynecology at this point. Booty shorts over tights or leggings are a great call, and can make your assets look smokin’ hot – BONUS!

ALSO – keep in mind that we instructors occasionally have to place our hands on your body to spot you or correct your form. This can get a little awkward if you’re not dressed appropriately for class (and I mean any class, German wheel to trapeze). Coming to sessions clad in only booty shorts & a sports bra may feel awesome for you, but can make things a little weird for your teacher when we have to wrap our arms around your sweaty body. I’m not suggesting that you come to class in a bee-keeper’s suit, but if you know we’re going to be spotting you hands-on, have mercy! We just don’t want to know you that way. 😉

PS – T, give me back my blue velour track suit!

Find out more about T, his teaching, his performance, and his awesomeness here!

As always, if you like this post, share it on your blog, the F-books, Twitter, and wherever else you crazy kids are sharing things these days.